


The Same Boy You've Always Known

by almostblue (fictionalaspect)



Series: The Same Boy You've Always Known [1]
Category: B.A.P, K-pop, Secret (Band)
Genre: Adolescence, Alternate Reality, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Alternate Universe - Gender Changing at Will, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Band Family, Band Fic, Best Friends, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Gender Dysphoria, Gender Roles, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderbending, Genderfuck, Genderless, Genderqueer Character, Growing Up, Multi, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 08:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fictionalaspect/pseuds/almostblue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's just another day at TS Entertainment...in a world where there are three genders, and adolescents gain the ability to shift their gender at will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Same Boy You've Always Known

**Author's Note:**

> I think this story should speak for itself, but if you'd like to read more about how this story came about, the author's notes are at the bottom. In the real world, sex =/= gender; in this story it's slightly different, for reasons that will soon become clear. 
> 
> Thank you to [roebling](http://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling) for reading this over, and to everyone on Twitter who encouraged me to pick this idea up again.

Himchan is a girl when Yongguk wakes up that morning. 

He stumbles into the bathroom and runs into her brushing her teeth, toothpaste smeared around her mouth. Yongguk can see the way her T-shirt, so flat the night before, now clings to new curves. 

"Bored again?" Yongguk says, elbowing her out of the way so he can wash his face. 

Himchan narrows her eyes at him and spits out her toothpaste. "I'm not done," she says, a petulant tone to her voice. "I still need to do all of my skincare. And yes, I was bored. I needed a change." 

"I'm just washing my face," Yongguk says, rolling his eyes. He finishes up and then examines his own chin in the mirror, looking for signs of hair. He's never been a guy for this long, and he's trying to see if he can grow a beard. Kang hyung keeps telling him it's not going to happen until his coming-of-age, but Chocolate noona says she's seen it happen before. 

Himchan rolls her eyes. "You're not going to grow a beard," she mumbles under her breath, pushing her hair back from her face with a headband. Himchan as a girl doesn't look much different from Himchan as andros, which ze usually picks, so Yongguk guesses she feels like performing with Secret today. He knows Himchan doesn't mind. She looks stunning in heels, and she gets better vocal parts than she does in B.A.P.

Yongguk frowns. "You never know," he says, because it's not worth arguing over. Bathroom time is short, and they have four other bandmates waiting outside the door. "Do you mind if I--?"

Himchan waves a hand at the toilet, not even bothering to look up from smoothing cream into her skin. Yongguk shrugs, and unzips himself. He's not sure, but he's starting to feel like he might fit this body. He doesn't know. There's something solid about it that he likes. The dongsaengs can snicker all they like about equipment and new bodies and new sensations, but Yongguk is getting to the age where how he feels every day is more important to him than how he feels in bed. 

"Do you ever think--" Youngguk says, as he's zipping himself up. "I mean. Do you ever think about your coming-of-age?" 

Himchan pauses in the act of exfoliation, mouth pink and slightly open. She puts down the scrub, and turns to face Yongguk. 

"You're a man, aren't you," she says, looking fascinated. "Holy shit. Like you're really going to end up male. When you settle. What does it feel like? To _know_? And no, I don't think about it at all, I like being able to change every day." Himchan picks up the scrub again. "10,000 won says I'm andros when I finally settle."

"10,000 won says Junhong is andros," Yongguk says dryly, carefully avoiding all of Himchan's questions. Their maknae hasn't even had his first change yet, but Yongguk has never seen a prettier dongsaeng in his life. He'd swear Junhong had already HAD his first change if he didn't know him. Sometimes it feels odd calling him a dongsaeng outside the group, but everyone knows you're not considered an adult until your body decides you are. It's not Yongguk's call to decide when Junhong grows up.

"He's a girl," Himchan says confidently. "Just wait till I get my hands on him."

"I don't...really want to think about that day," Yongguk says, and smiles to himself as he leaves the bathroom to the sound of Himchan's laughter.

 

\--

 

The only problem with Yongguk's tentatively minted male status is that Hana sunbaenim doesn't feel like changing today either.

"Sorry," he says, giving Yongguk a sympathetic look. He's wearing a pair of sneakers that Yongguk really covets, and--actually, Hana looks pretty fly all around. Yongguk will have to ask him where he got everything as soon as their morning meeting is over. 

"So I have three male rappers, and no female rappers," Kang hyung says, looking long-suffering. "And as cute as Junhong is, we all know that we can't just put him in a dress and throw him on stage."

"I could," Junhong says, biting his lip, but Kang hyung shakes his head. "TS doesn't have dongsaeng groups," he says. "Or andros groups. Male and female. That's our specialty. I'm sorry, Junhong, but you need to stay in B.A.P. until you change." 

Junhong nods, looking down at his feet. Yongguk wants to reach over and...be silently sympathetic, or something, but he's all the way across the table. 

"What if Jongup did the rapping in _Poison_?" Himchan asks, crossing her legs. She's seated next to Hyosung, and they're both wearing distractingly short skirts. They probably did it on purpose. Yongguk can absolutely imagine them calling each other this morning and trying to figure out what to wear so they can look cute together. She tilts her head, giving Kang hyung an imploring look. 

Kang hyung looks down at his clipboard, flipping through his stack of schedules and releases and forms. "The other song is _Yoo-Hoo_ ," he admits. "That part is easy enough that anyone can do it. Jongup, you know _Poison_ , right? Have you been practicing?"

"Yes, Kang hyung," Jongup says, looking nervous and excited at the same time. Yongguk leans back in his chair. If Jongup's willing to go for it, then it will be good experience for him. They all know he knows the dances, and it's a good rap for his style and voice. He watches as Hyosung nods minutely at Kang hyung, signalling her approval.

"Then we'll use Jongup today," Kang hyung says, nodding towards the bathrooms. Jongup bows to the table in general, and leaves to find a more private place to change, both in gender and in clothing. They all have their own lockers near the showers, so Jongup is bound to have something that will work until they get into costume.

Kang hyung clears his throat. "In that case, Secret's line-up today will be Hyosung, leader; Himchan, vocal-visual; Jongup, rap and dance; and Daehyun, lead vocal." 

Next to Himchan, Daehyun nods approvingly. When Daehyun is a girl she's the tiniest thing; her feet barely touch the floor in their big, plush conference chairs. Her hair is pulled back in a ponytail, and she's wearing a tank top and baggy warm-up pants. Yongguk knows she appreciates being in B.A.P as her main group, but he also knows that sometimes she just wants to _sing_. 

"Obviously there'll be a costume change between the two numbers," Kang hyung says, continuing on. "B.A.P today will be Yongguk, leader; Junhong, rap and dance; Hana, main dancer, sub-vocal; Youngjae, main vocal; Jieun, lead vocal; and Sunhwa, vocal-visual." 

The young men sitting around the table all nod. 

"B.A.P will do _One Shot_ to follow up _Poison_ , and then in the second half you'll do _Crash_ to follow up _Yoo-Hoo_."

"We don't want to do it the other way around?" Hyosung sunbaenim asks, giving Kang hyung an unimpressed look. "We don't want to...I don't know. Leave them wanting more?"

"It's summer," Kang hyung says. "It's time for lighter stuff. Besides, this way you can all leave the stage looking _nice_ , and not dripping with sweat." 

"But I like dripping with sweat," Jieun says, a smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. He throws his shoulders back. "It makes me feel all...virile. Handsome. Chyeah, hardcore style, U nam mean?" 

Yongguk has to slap his hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Next to him, Youngjae is making huge eyes at Jieun and biting his lip, looking back and forth between him and Yongguk.

"I need more coffee for this," Kang hyung mutters.

Jieun throws in a few gang signs just for the hell of it.

"Stop messing with Yongguk," Sunhwa says, punching Jieun on the shoulder with one hand while simultaneously brushing his hair out of his face with the other.

"It's okay," Yongguk says, finally unable to hide his laughter. Jieun winks at him across the table as Kang hyung gets up, grumbling about stupid teenagers and signalling for their assistants. 

As soon as management is out of the room, the entire conference table starts cracking up. 

"What?" Jongup says, sticking her head back in through the door. Her hair flops down into her eyes. She's wearing a pair of pajama pants with Pokemon on them. "What did I miss? Is it me?"

"Chyeah," says Zelo. 

 

\--

 

Their stages end up being uneventful, Jongup's unplanned change aside. She does well during _Poison_ , and Yongguk finds himself being uncomfortably impressed with his dongsaeng's hip rolls. He's uncomfortably impressed with Himchan's ass in her skirt as well, but that's nothing new. It doesn't really matter what Himchan's doing; ze's always attractive to Yongguk.

They're piling back into two big vans for the trip to the dorms when Youngjae suddenly shouts, "Hyung! Yongguk hyung, you _have_ to see this!"

Daehyun joins in soon after, calling for Yongguk sunbaenim. Yongguk rolls his eyes, and gives up his hard-earned front seat. Hyosang steals it with a smirk, climbing over both the seat and their driver before Yongguk's even a foot away from the van.

"Ah, fucker!" Daehyun exclaims, as Yongguk walks up to her and Youngjae on the sidewalk. "Don't punch me in the tit, you asshole." She punches Youngjae in the stomach, and Youngjae coughs in surprise, thrown backwards. "Just wait until the next time you're a girl. I'm going to punch _you_ in the tits, and right _now_ I'm going to kick you in the--"

"I didn't mean to punch you in the tits!" Youngjae cries out, throwing out a hand to protect his balls and pushing his legs together.

Yongguk coughs, tapping his foot on the pavement.

"Uh, hi, leader hyung, sorry, we were just. Um." Youngjae looks over guiltily, uncrossing his legs.

Daehyun coughs primly in return, straightening her shirt. She gives Youngjae a baleful look.

"Don't punch anyone in the tits," Yongguk says, because he feels like he should. "It hurts." He should know. Himchan is a fan of nipple pinching when he doesn't get his way. Yongguk winces just thinking about it. His best friend is such an asshole sometimes.

"I know, hyung," Youngjae says. 

"Say sorry to your unnie." Daehyun's not really Youngjae's unnie, but right now Yongguk is on the side of the person who just got punched in the tits. A little extra respectfulness won't hurt.

"I'm sorry Daehyun unnie," Youngjae says dutifully. 

Yongguk nods, running a hand through his hair. Despite what Manager Kang said, he's still dripping with sweat. "So what is this amazing thing I gave up my seat for?"

"I get to show him!" Daehyun says gleefully, pulling open the van door. "Yongguk hyung, I present to you, our very own..."

Yongguk blinks. 

"Maknae!" Youngjae finishes, grinning ear to ear.

Junhong looks up from the middle seat. He's still tall and willowy, but his features have softened out even more, into the timeless look of an andros. It's hard to tell in their baggy clothes, but ze's definitely beginning to change. By tomorrow, ze'll have full control over hir own body and hir own presentation. Ze won't be a child anymore, randomly assigned a body at birth. Ze'll start making hir own choices about who ze is.

"Ze's all grown up," Jongup says, grinning her toothy smile and kissing Junhong on the cheek. Junhong's cheeks are red, but ze looks pleased. 

"Congratulations," Yongguk manages. He has a feeling his quiet night of showering, getting off in the shower, and then sleeping has just been shot to hell. 

"Thank you, Yongguk sunbaenim," Junhong says. Hir voice is softer. Not _higher_ , but somehow different, like it glides more easily over the consonants than it once did.

"I'll see you back at the dorms," Yongguk says, nodding at Junhong and then running to catch up with Kang hyung in the first van.

If they're lucky, they might be able to keep this from the fans over the weekend, and give Junhong a day or two of privacy to explore his new body without the whole world watching. 

Maybe.

 

\--

 

Himchan is ecstatic. There's really no other word for it. 

"Changing!" She calls out, clapping and waving her hands to get everyone's attention the moment they walk through the door. "Everyone. _Now_. It's Junhong's first night, we don't want her to be lonely!"

"Yes, unnie," the dongsaengs dutifully call out, and find a quiet spot to go change in. 

"Why do I have the feeling you're trying to turn this into a lesbian slumber party?" Yongguk says, turning away for a moment and letting himself relax into the space inside of him that's female. It will always be there...but it's harder to find than it was a few weeks ago. Yongguk notes that and then she sets it aside. Now isn't the time. 

She waits until everything in her body is done shifting before opening her eyes.

"So shameless," Himchan says, as soon as Yongguk turns back around. She clucks her tongue at Yongguk. 

"You know I don't mind if it's only you," Yongguk says. She knows she's blushing, but Channie's her best friend. They don't even bother with the normal etiquette in the _bathroom_ anymore--she doesn't see why this should be any different. 

"It's sweet," Himchan says, her eyes softening. She kisses Yongguk's temple. "I like that you don't mind changing in front of me. And I like your hair like this, too." She rubs at Yongguk's short hair, fluffing the top of it until Yongguk bats her away. 

"You never answered my question," Yongguk says. Her stomach feels hot and fluttery but if left unchecked, Himchan will turn this entire night into a terribly cliche slumber party. She has responsibilities, and they don't include standing here wishing Himchan would kiss her like that again.

"No one has to do anything they don't feel like doing," Himchan says, kicking her shoes off by the door. "I just thought we'd make dinner and watch movies." 

"While you do Junhong's makeup and play with her hair?"

"Okay, fiiiinnnneee while I play with her hair," Himchan groans. She shoves Yongguk, thankfully not in the tits. "Why do you have to be such a buzzkill?"

"Years of practice," Yongguk says. She rubs at her stage makeup. "I'm going to go shower, unless someone else beat me to it."

"I think Daehyun and Youngjae did," Jongup says. She's rinsing her face off in the sink until she can wait her turn. "If they're both going to be girls, they decided just to share." 

Yongguk shrugs. "Makes sense," she says. 

"No, go kick them out," Himchan says, looking horrified. "What are you doing? You're their sunbaenim." 

"It's fine," Yongguk says. She doesn't mind waiting, and someone needs to check on Junhong. "Where's Junhong?"

"Uh," Jongup says. She dries her face off with a towel. She's wearing a tank top with no bra, and Yongguk has to remind herself--again--that Jongup is only 18 and that hip roll thing was just a momentary lapse in moral ethics. 

Also, Yongguk can see her nipples, and--

"Jongup, would you put a bra on?" Yongguk says, her face flaming. 

"Jongup, please don't put a bra on," Himchan says, her face in the refrigerator as she tosses things on to the counter. "They're so _nice_. It's a shame to hide them." 

" _You're_ a shame," Yongguk says, swatting at Himchan's ass with a dishtowel. She gives an adorable squeak and Yongguk reminds herself to never, ever do that again. Maybe this is some part of her maleness coming out. Maybe she's a straight man? She doesn't know. It's just. _Everything is so distracting right now, what the fuck._

Maybe part of settling into her own identity is just wanting to have sex with everything that moves. 

"Well. That's the thing," Jongup says eventually, after she's crossed her arms over her chest and finished watching her two unnies flirt with each other. 

"She's..."

 

\--

 

"This is weird," the lump under Junhong's covers says shakily. "Yongguk sunbaenim, this is really, really weird."

"Unnie," Yongguk corrects her gently, tugging at a corner of Junhong's blanket. "Everyone's your unnie tonight. You don't need to feel strange about it." 

"Everything's _different._ " 

"I...yes." Yongguk says. It's a good thing Junhong is under the blanket, so she doesn't have to worry about keeping a straight face.

"Unnie, _things are missing_ ," Junhong hisses, sounding distressed. Yongguk bites down on her lip to keep from laughing. 

"Junhong, you knew they would be," Yongguk says. "You even knew what you would look like, remember? You found out at your last physical." 

"That was a picture," the Junhong-lump mumbles. "This is. Like. This is really real and it's strange and it _hurts_ and I don't know what to do." 

"Would it help if I just..." Yongguk doesn't really like to do this kind of thing, but it's different when it's her maknae. There's some things that can't be learnt except by experience.

Besides, her female self is relatively un-intimidating; Yongguk isn't a curvy bombshell like Youngjae, or a toned, perfect athlete like Jongup. She's just tall and on the thin side and her breasts aren't much more than an A cup. She has a little bit of curve to her stomach, and a vagina. It's really not that different. 

All in all, it's not very exciting. Maybe she can convince Junhong to come out and see Yongguk and then they can both put some underwear on and Junhong can get used to her new body. Yongguk knows a lot of stretches that can help with the first-time pain.

Yongguk stands up, stripping her male clothing off and leaving it in a puddle on the floor. She sits with her legs closed--that's a little more intimate than she really needs to get with her maknae--and tugs on Junhong's blanket again.

"I promise," Yongguk says, slowly tugging the blanket down. "It's okay. See? This is what I look like as a girl. It's okay, right?" 

Junhong's eyes peek out over the blanket. They widen for a moment as she takes it all in, as she sees her leader as a girl for the first time. She's going to have to go through this five more times, so Yongguk hopes that maybe this way the first time won't be so weird. It's not that Junhong has never _seen_ them all, it's just--the rules are different when they all pick the same gender for the night. Junhong was born male, so he's never seen any of his bandmates undressed as either female or andros.

"Oh, unnie," Junhong says softly, looking fascinated. She tilts her head. "You're really pretty." Junhong lets the blanket fall to waist level, too distracted to hold it up. 

"You are too," Yongguk tells Junhong, trying not to choke or stare too obviously. Junhong isn't pretty. Junhong is _gorgeous_. Holy shit, Yongguk hopes they don't lose their maknae to beauty pageants and modeling because Junhong could seriously be Miss Korea if she wanted to. 

Hell, she could be Miss Universe. Yongguk had expected--but wow. 

Okay. 

"I think you should go look in a mirror," Yongguk says, holding out her hand. Junhong grabs on tightly, her face flushing again as she pulls the blanket along with her, hiding the vee of her thighs as she stands up. Yongguk doesn't tell her she needs to drop it. There's time for her to become unashamed. 

"Do you want some underwear?" Yongguk says. "I think you're about the same hip size as Himchan unnie."

"Yes please," Junhong says. Her hair's grown longer. Yongguk's hair stays the same now that her body has begun to settle down, but Junhong's body is confused as hell and apparently that includes a head full of long, silvery hair. 

Yongguk rifles around in Himchan's drawers until he finds a pair of plain lace underwear. Junhong slips them on and then, obviously feeling better, drops the blanket as she goes to stand in front of their full-length mirror. Yongguk takes the opportunity to slip over to her dresser and pull her own underwear on. 

Himchan's always on her back about pretty things and lace and ruffles and color, but Yongguk just prefers plain black or nude. It's not that she doesn't like all the bling but she just...feels sexier this way. Besides, Daehyun and Youngjae are always more than willing to indulge Himchan's taste for outrageous lingerie shopping when they feel like being girls or andros for a while. 

Yongguk looks up and meets Junhong's eyes just as she's putting a hand on her own breast, like she's checking that it's real. Junhong drops her hand immediately, ducking her head. 

"It's okay," Yongguk says, not bothering to cover up the laugh that escapes. She hopes Junhong will know that Yongguk is laughing with her, not at her. "Really. It's just like being boys with the rest of us in the dorm. When we're all girls, or andros, we do the same thing. It's just your body." Yongguk cups one breast in her hand; it's about a handful. "See?"

"But mine are _huge_ ," Junhong says, and Yongguk sees the first hint of a smile break out on her face. "I mean, I saw the projections...but I thought they couldn't possibly be right." 

"Welcome to the well-stacked club," Yongguk says gravely. "Population you, Youngjae, and Daehyun." 

Junhong laughs, high and sweet. Yongguk smiles. If Junhong's laughing, then everything's going to be okay. 

"Thanks, Yongguk unnie," Junhong says shyly, finally making eye contact. "For coming in and. Stuff."

"No problem. And feel free to hang out in here topless as long as you like, but, uh. I'm going to throw a tank-top on," Yongguk says, squeezing Junhong's shoulder. 

Junhong snickers. "Do you really all hang out topless?"

Yongguk smiles. "Why not? We all do it when we're boys. What's the difference?" 

"They don't...get in the way?"

"I think that's up to you to decide," Yongguk says, laughing. "No one's required to be naked, but...you know what your unnies are like. Or at least, you know what they're like when they're your hyungs. But you wear as much clothing as you want, okay? It's always up to you. As long as you're polite about it. You know the rules--everyone stays clothed unless we're all the same." 

"Mmmhmm," Junhong says, turning around slowly so she can see behind herself. Her ass is slight, but still curvy. She has nice hips. 

Yongguk quietly slips out the door and leaves her to it. 

 

\--

 

"How is it that we are the only people eating the food, and all of our dongsaengs are in the bedroom touching Junhong's breasts?" Yongguk asks rhetorically, reaching out for more rice from the communal bowl on the table. 

Himchan shrugs, reaching for another serving of beef with garlic and onions at the same time. "Because we'll get to touch them later?"

Yongguk rolls her eyes.

"Oh, just let them be dongsaengs," Himchan says, poking her toes against Yongguk's calf under the table. With anyone else Yongguk would suspect them of playing footsie with her but...it's Himchan. She doesn't know what to make of it. 

"They're having fun. I peeked in on them and Junhong just wants to try everything on. _Everything_."

"I should have seen that one coming, huh," Yongguk says, thinking of Junhong's ever-present fondness for neon. Suddenly having four new wardrobes full of loud, expensive clothing is probably her own personal idea of heaven. "As long as no one's getting their nipples pinched." 

"That happened like, twice," Himchan says. "And you deserved it. Don't act innocent with me." 

"Maybe," Yongguk mutters. 

"You did," Himchan says, poking Yongguk with her chopsticks. They leave a smear of sauce behind on Yongguk's hand, and she licks it off absentmindedly. 

When she looks up, Himchan quickly turns back to her food, like she was staring. There's a faint blush on her cheeks. "So," Himchan says, taking a large sip of water. "You never answered my questions this morning."

"About?"

"Settling," Himchan says, looking up and making eye contact. "Coming-of-age. About figuring out which one fits." 

"Yeah," Yongguk says. She eats another bite of rice, and then takes a deep breath. "I think...I'm male." 

"Somehow, I'm really not surprised," Himchan says, pushing her plate away and focusing exclusively on Yongguk. She leans an elbow on the table. "What does it feel like? To know?"

"I..." Yongguk is at a loss for words. "It just feels right," she says eventually, even though the words don't really capture how she feels. She feels good right now, too, it's just-- _less_ right, like there's a puzzle piece that's missing. 

She tries again. "I like how solid I feel," she says. "It feels like--I don't know. It feels like it's always who I was meant to be, and I just didn't know it until now. But I'm not ready yet," she says hurriedly, holding up a hand as Himchan opens her mouth for more questions. "I mean, this is...nice. Right now. I forgot what being a girl was like. I think I'll stay like this for a while."

She looks down at her nails, brushing her fingers over an imaginary bit of dust. She wears her nails long no matter what, and Yongguk doesn't see that changing. She likes her nails just the way they are. She thinks she'll probably still paint them, too. No law that says she can't, after all.

"What do you think your mom will say?" Himchan asks. "She was always so proud of all of her girls." 

"I don't know," Yongguk says, picking up her chopsticks to finish eating. "She took Natasha as andros pretty well."

"But you're the last one," Himchan says. "You're her baby. And she raised four girls and ended up with three men and one andros." 

"This isn't about me, is it," Yongguk says. "This is about you and your sister."

Himchan kicks the table leg absently. "She really liked having boys," she mumbles, looking away. "And I don't mind being a guy. I don't. It's just--"

"Something else feels more right?" Yongguk finishes, biting her lip. 

"Yeah," Himchan says softly. She swallows hard. Yongguk doesn't know what to do. Himchan is obviously starting to get upset, and Yongguk doesn't want that. But she's not tactile like Channie; touching people doesn't come naturally to her. She settles for scooting her chair closer, so they're shoulder to shoulder. 

Himchan sighs, leaning her head on Yongguk's shoulder and linking their fingers together. It feels really nice.

"I wanted more time," she says, to no one and everyone. "I liked not knowing." 

"We have time," Yongguk says, nudging her. "We have lots of time. Just because we _know_ doesn't mean we'll fully settle. We have a year, at least. Maybe even two."

"I should probably spend more time as a guy, then," Himchan says, and Yongguk watches as Himchan changes, right there in front of her. 

She swallows hard. It's--intimate. Himchan doesn't look away and Yongguk doesn't either, fascinated by the subtle changes in Himchan's face, the way his hands suddenly feel different. By the way everything about Himchan is different and yet the same. 

Yongguk can't breathe. 

"Are you sure about this?" Yongguk asks, because if that wasn't a sign, she doesn't know what is. The only people who change in front of each other, face to face, are lovers. It's part of being young, of having that freedom to explore and to play. Yongguk's dated people, but Himchan is her _best friend_. They've always been there for each other, even if one of them was very busy exploring someone else for a while.

Maybe it's just time to stop ignoring the obvious.

"Yes," Himchan says firmly. "If we're both--I've been waiting a long time, Bbang. If we're going to come of age, I don't want to wait any longer. I want to be able to try everything with you." 

Yongguk tilts her chin up so she can meet Himchan's mouth, suddenly warm and slick against her own. She realizes distantly that she's managed to tangle a hand in Himchan's short hair, pulling him closer as they kiss. It's an awkward angle, but Yongguk doesn't care. Himchan's mouth is soft and perfect and the idea of getting to experience _everything_ with him is making her heart pound. 

Yongguk pulls back to breathe, panting. 

"I'm going to assume that's a yes," Himchan says, smiling his real smile, not the fake one he's perfected for all of his genders. 

"Yes," Yongguk says, trying to tug Himchan's mouth back. There's more kissing to be done. They only have a year. Yongguk needs to kiss Himchan in every way possible, even if she knows she'll love him no matter what shape they end up in. 

"But how do you want to--"

"I have no idea," Yongguk says, standing up and tugging Himchan along by his tank top, suddenly too-tight against his broader shoulders. "The shower, I guess. I don't care. The bathroom." 

Yongguk looks down, and blinks. Himchan's purple booty shorts look kind of amazing on him as a guy. 

"You should wear those all the time," Yongguk says, before her brain catches up with her.

"What, so everyone can see when I'm gagging for it?" Himchan says, wincing as he adjusts his erection, trapping it under the waistband. "No thanks."

"Then wear them for me," Yongguk says firmly, heading towards the bathroom, Himchan still in tow. "It's just--your _legs_. You don't understand what your legs look like in those things." 

"Oh, I do," Himchan says, but he presses a kiss to the nape of Yongguk's bare neck and lets himself be led. Yongguk appreciates it. They have very important things to accomplish together before one of the their dongsaengs notices they're missing. Important things. _Orgasm things_. Channie isn't the only one who's been waiting. Yongguk feels a sudden heat between her thighs, and shudders.

"You ready?" She says, pushing the door to the bathroom open. It's now or never. 

"Baby," Himchan says, grinning again. He leans down to kiss her cheek. " For you? I was _born_ ready."

**Author's Note:**

> To be completely and utterly selfish -- writing this story was fascinating and incredibly helpful to ME, in that it allowed me to suddenly visualize very clearly where my own blind spots in regards to gender and sexuality were located. It's an idea that I've had for at least a few years, but it never really came to fruition until I suddenly sat down and essentially wrote it all at once in one very long sitting. 
> 
> I want to caution that this story is just one possible interpretation and/or conception of sex and gender; it's meant as an AU, not as explicit commentary on our own society. I tried to be as gender neutral as possible in allowing each of the characters to have their own distinct non-gendered personality, but I'm sure my social conditioning let characterizations, phrases, or words slip by. For that--and if anything in this story is unintentionally offensive--I apologize in advance. Please let me know (politely) in the comments below, as I am considering writing more in this verse and I'd like to avoid similar missteps in the future. 
> 
> Thank you for reading ♥


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